


breathe.

by juniperProse



Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, First Kiss, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, No proofreading we die like mne, a simply unnecessary amount of blood, all lowercase on purpose, idk what else to tag this as
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 01:19:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13136130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juniperProse/pseuds/juniperProse
Summary: “andrew’s first thought wasoh shit, hanahaki disease;his second was thatsteven literally took his breath away.he tried not to laugh at his own horribly dark pun.instead of laughing, he just coughed up another petal.well, shit. this was an issue.”





	breathe.

**Author's Note:**

> i. didn’t proofread this? also it’s all lowercase??? i’m. i hope y’all like this shit im fhdhkdndbsb
> 
> if you see any super duper supremely obvious mistakes, just lemme know and i’ll edit it!!!!!
> 
> MAYBE a tw for emetophobia- there’s no direct mentions of it but like it’s Similar Enough that i feel the need to say something just in case, ahh!!!!! also blood!!!

andrew was fucked from the very start.

when they’d first met, it was immediately clear that steven was a ball of nervous energy- all bouncy and just _everywhere_ all at once- and andrew, by all means, should have found that annoying.

but he didn’t. he _didn’t_ , and that was his first mistake when it came to steven lim. the first of many.

so: he didn’t find steven annoying. in fact, quite the opposite- he thought steven’s energy was endearing.

and so he agreed to do worth it with him.

yet another one of andrew’s many mistakes regarding steven.

(but- he didn’t _really_ mean that. nothing he did when it came to steven was a mistake. andrew regretted nothing.

he _might_  regret dying over steven, but, well, that was a problem he’d deal with in the future.)

—

it first happened after filming for the first season finale of worth it (how it hadn’t struck him sooner, andrew wasn’t sure), as steven had hugged andrew goodbye.

it should have been an innocuous thing, really, but then andrew just _had_ to go and feel all warm and gooey inside afterwards, and steven was just so _adorable_ , smiling so prettily at him, and andrew felt something stir in his chest.

when andrew got home later that same day, the _something_ in his chest grew and tickled at his throat, and he coughed into his hand absently.

he was shocked, to say the least, when he pulled his hand back to find two white petals in his palm.

oh.

oh, _no_.

andrew’s first thought was _oh shit, hanahaki disease;_ his second was that _steven literally took his breath away._ he tried not to laugh at his own horribly dark pun.

instead of laughing, he just coughed up another petal.

well, shit. this was an issue.

—

andrew kept doing worth it, because of _course_ he would, he couldn’t just leave steven hanging.

you know, andrew had read up on this, had learned some in school, too- the first few months of hanahaki would be bearable. then, gradually, the symptoms would grow worse and worse until he choked and died on the blood and flowers filling his lungs, after about a year.

it was a painful and slow burn, but he would endure it if it meant being around steven.

steven, whose hair was always gorgeous even when it wasn’t styled; steven, whose smile made andrew’s heart sing and his chest burn; steven, who just couldn’t _not_ be wonderful in every way.

yeah, andrew would bear it all for steven.

—

around month four was when andrew decided to go to the doctor- more out of obligation than out of an actual desire to get help, to be honest.

the doctor told him what he already knew; he had more or less a year to live after contracting the disease, and the only known cure was to surgically remove the source of the flowers- but doing that would take away any romantic feelings he harbored for steven.

that, obviously, wasn’t an option.

he’d _literally_ much rather die than not be able to see beautiful, bright steven the same way again.

the doc did tell him one thing he hadn’t known, though. the flower petals he kept coughing up were gardenia blossoms.

he looked them up after his appointment- ha, the spiky spiral of the petals almost reminded him of steven’s hair.

with that thought, he was sent into a coughing fit.

fucking _great_ \- steven lim truly would be the death of him.

—

andrew got away with it all, even through the trip to australia, even through the trip to japan, until it had been 11 months, and season four was coming up, and his luck ran desert dry, and he couldn’t, physically _couldn’t_ film around steven.

they’ve all been worried for him- adam had almost certainly figured out what was up by now, and andrew’s pretty sure steven was convinced he’d started smoking, with how often he coughed and had to excuse himself from the room. that was better than the truth, though, andrew thought.

nevertheless, it was well past 10 am (he should have been into work over two hours ago, fuck) and he couldn’t fucking leave his bathroom, heaving up full blooms of gardenia into his toilet- along with _blood_ , so much blood, jesus christ.

andrew couldn’t be sure, but- this was probably it, he thought resignantly. this was probably _it_.

andrew went to send a text to steven between coughing fits, to let him know that he was okay but he couldn’t film today (only one of those things was true) and was surprised to find that the other man had already texted him; not only that, but andrew had missed _five_ calls from him.

steven [08:40]: hey drew you okay??? you’re normally into work by now and we have worth it to film today. sorry, just me worrying, i’m sure youre fine

steven [09:02]: did you sleep in or???

steven [09:25]: your phone’s probably just dead or something, im sure, and you can make fun of me for worrying later, but you’re never late to work, so i think ive got good reason to worry

steven [09:46]: andrew????

steven [10:00]: ok it’s 10 am, if u don’t respond in the next half hour i’m driving over to your house

steven [10:08]: i am deadly serious

steven [10:21]: screw it i’m driving over now, we gotta film soon, plus i’m paranoid that you’re like, dying or something ok

andrew winced- a bit on the nose there, steven.

oh, shit, wait. the last message was sent- not even 10 minutes ago. it took about 15 minutes to get to his apartment from the office. fuck fuck _fuck_.

andrew’s bathroom looked like the scene of a murder, committed by a killer with a flower motif. the pure white flowers were tarnished by red. he was also pretty damn sure he had blood on his face, too- he couldn’t let steven see him like this- fuck-

andrew’s panic was interrupted and then immediately increased tenfold when his phone started vibrating, steven’s name popping up on screen. shit, steven was calling him. fuck.

he answered the phone, because steven would be even _more_ worried had he ignored it entirely- and plus, maybe he could convince steven to turn around, go back to the office, and just leave him to die alone.

“steven, i-“ andrew started, before the other man butted in.

“ _andrew!_ thank god, you’re alive. i was worried there- not ‘cause we have stuff to film, but because you’ve been acting weird lately, and, i dunno, i was just really, really worried for you. did you get my text? i’m coming over, okay?” steven rambled in a rush of words.

“steven- no, no, you don’t have to come over, you _shouldn’t_ come over-

“what? why not? are you alright?”

“because-“

and- because the universe hated him with a burning passion, apparently- whatever excuse andrew was about to come up with on the spot was interrupted by another hacking fit. blood mixed with petals barely made it into the toilet bowl, some missing it entirely, and he felt like his lung was going to fall out. he could barely fucking breathe.

“andrew, holy shit, jesus fuck, you okay? i’m coming over _right now_. fuck, i have to drive, i have to go. i’ll see you when i get there, okay?”

steven was not the type to cuss like a sailor, so hearing him do just that out of worry for him- well, it was alarming.

“okay,” andrew choked out before another full-bodied cough came out of his throat, like he was a cat with a nasty, love-stricken hairball.

he barely heard steven hang up, and he didn’t hear his apartment door open minutes later- had he left it unlocked?- but he _definitely_ heard steven’s steps come closer and closer to where andrew was holed up in the bathroom, coughing his lungs and his heart out.

“andrew?” steven said softly, before opening the door and letting out an honest-to-god blood curdling scream.

“oh- oh my god, andrew, drew, that’s a lot of blood oh my god- i need to call the hospital-“

“steven,” andrew said, voice hoarse.

“ _how_ are you not passed out from blood loss right now?!” steven said, hurrying over to where andrew was hunched, and stopping when he saw the petals next to his feet.

“andrew… oh my god,” steven said, now falling to his knees next to him. “why didn’t you tell me?”

“...i think you know why,” andrew said, and even if his voice _hadn’t_ been absolutely shot to hell, he _still_ would have almost-whispered that response.

there’s a heavy pause between them.

“you too?” steven murmured, just as quiet.

oh.

andrew’s brain had a field day trying to wrap his head around those two words.

“you too” as in steven was suffering from this _god awful_ disease too, “you too” meaning that steven was coughing up bouquets worth of flowers every night like he was, “you too” meaning that steven was coughing up flowers- for _him?_

“you too” meaning… _steven loved him back?_

steven was crying now, andrew noticed belatedly, and he reached up and wiped steven’s tears away with his thumb, cringing when he got blood on the silver-haired man’s perfect face.

steven leaned into his hand, and andrew moved it just slightly to cup steven’s jaw, and andrew could feel an _itch_ in his lungs, like he needed to cough again, but instead he leaned in and closed his eyes-

and he and steven were _kissing._

the _something_ in andrew’s chest vanished, absolutely disintegrated without warning, and was quickly replaced with a heat rivaled only by the warmth of steven’s smile.

just as quickly as it had started, andrew pulled back.

oh, good fucking grief, he definitely got blood on steven’s lips- but steven was _grinning_ , and crying, and andrew might be crying now too, if the watery blurring of his vision is anything to go by.

“took us long enough, right?” steven managed, the lump in his throat evident in his voice.

“too long,” andrew said. “way too long.”

“how- how long was it for you?” steven asked hesitantly.

they had somehow ended up holding each other’s hands while they were kneeled on the bathroom floor in blood and flowers. wouldja look at that.

“ _too long,_ ” andrew repeated. a pause, and then: “almost a year.”

steven gasped a little at that. “ _drew_. god, andrew. should’ve said something. i’m glad- glad i made it in time,” he said that last part softly. “it’s only been a couple months for me.”

“i’m sorry,” andrew said. “for not telling you- and for… making you hurt too.”

“no, andrew, no, it’s okay, it’s _okay_. we’re here now, aren’t we?”

“yeah,” andrew replied breathlessly. “we are.”

andrew leaned in and rested his forehead so gently against steven’s.

“and stevie?”

“yeah, drew?”

“thanks for coming over to check on me.”

“‘course, drew, anything for you,” and steven sounded so _earnest_  in that moment, and- steven _loved him back—_

and andrew could truly breathe, for the first time in what felt like forever.

**Author's Note:**

> for those of y’all wondering:
> 
> steven’s flower (well, the flower andrew coughed up for steven- you know, technicalities,) was the gardenia, meaning newly blooming love or “i think i’m in love with you” and purity!!!!  
> (i was THIS close to picking the the white sword lily instead though, which means strength of character, sincerity, moral integrity, and infatuation. also it looks cool as fuck!)
> 
> andrew’s flower (which wasn’t actually mentioned in this story, only vaguely referenced, but i’m sharing it regardless) was the red carnation, meaning admiration, “my heart aches for you,” and/or deep love!!
> 
> thanks so much for reading <33


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